It Wasn't Enough Chap:12

"You don't have to do this, dude"
"It's what's best, Stan"
"For who?" I titled my head slightly to look at an incredulous Stan.
"Me, my family…Cartman." I look away back to the empty corner of my room, while Stan huffs out a laugh. He just doesn't understand. How could he? He has Wendy, there's no chance of him getting pregnant by someone who seriously couldn't care less.
"What do you care how Cartman feels? If he doesn't want to be apart of this then fuck him. You're going to be a great parent Kyle, I know you will." Even though I smile softly at Stan's words, it does little to change my mind. I'd thought this decision over many times since coming back from Cartman's three days ago, and had gone ahead to book the appointment for an abortion. My parents had had their turn to change my mind, stating that they'd help with anything, and that I'm not alone in this. Then Ike had come to talk, saying he'd always be there for me. But none of this had turned out in their favour, nor mine; it just made me think how much I'd like Cartman to be saying all this to me. In a moment of desperation, my family had called round Stan to help, but it would seem, that was doing nothing for them either.
"It's not so much that I care what he feels, it just…"I trailed off biting my nails.
"Just what?" Stan asks in a soft concerned tone.
"Just…a child is big reasonability, and if I'm going to have one…I want the father to be involved or at least care." By the end of the sentence, I'm looking down at my feet picking at my socks instead. Not hearing anything for a while, I guess that Stan is thinking. Most likely for a way to help but, I doubt he'll get anything.
"So, say that the dad was involved," Stan starts, and his sudden hypothetical voice makes me look up at him, "you would keep the baby?" The question surprises me to say the least, and I can do nothing but stare dumbly at him.
But then I stutter out, "Urmm, yeah, yeah I guess so." That in turn, puts a kind, but slightly unnerving, smile on Stan's face.
"Great, I'll go and talk to Cartman." He announces before jumping off the bed, and I follow.
"No! Please don't Stan," I beg, but he just waves me off and carries on walking to my door.
"Listen, it'll be fine. You wait here and don't go anywhere until I come back." Stan says firmly, but I take no notice and groan loudly.
"I don't see how this will help at all Stan. When have we ever been able to convince him of something unless he wants to? Just leave it!" Then he's gone, with reassuring grin, he shuts the door behind him. I sigh loudly to myself before getting back onto my bed. His plan won't help with anything. "Just make matters worst," muttering to no one, I curl up into a protective ball.

Two hours have past since Stan left, and I only have a half hour until my appointment. I know he said to stay put but…I can't miss it, I might change my mind later on. I need to get rid of it now, or I never will. I gaze down at stomach from where I'm laying on my back, and rub it gently while tapping my foot to the beat of the song blasting out my stereo.

"Well I feel like a lady who is pregnant with a baby, 'cause I'm always throwing up"

Frowning, I snap my hand away from my stomach and let it grip onto my bed covers while I turn my head away and stare at the door, hoping Stan would just walk through it already. It's the waiting that I hate, the not knowing what he could say when he comes back. I only see a small possibility that he'll come in with Cartman, who will admit how stupid he's been and we'll live happily ever after; but where's the realism in that? Maybe Cartman'll have a little heart though and at least say he's sorry and talk to me about this all. Then we, as mature intellectuals can sort out whether we're going to carry on with the abortion or decide to keep it and raise it equally, not together, but both still having a part in the child's life.

"'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody-"

"Right, that's enough, I'm leaving!" I announce to nobody and quickly get up to turn off my stereo, before grabbing my orange coat and making my way to the door. "I wouldn't mind so much, but it was on shuffle," I mutter as my bedroom door clicks shut and I make my way to the abortion clinic.