literature

I Hope Youu Feel Proud of Yourself

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I remember a time, so far away now, when life was simple and in most accounts good. When we were together, not for very long, but it was good. Sure we were a crime, but that didn't matter because we had each other; we were happy, and we were good. Such a long time ago now.
I was only 21, so little life ahead of me; now I have too much, because of what you did to me. I had no idea what you were, or what you'd make me become; I never asked for this! I never wanted this. The pain was unbearable, I still remember it now. It was like I was being unmade, when in truth I was dying, and you stood there telling me it'd be alright; why did you lie to me? From that day on I was scared of you, scared of what you'd turned me into; but the love was still there, and for that reason I stayed. Only now do I realise what that love really was. We were both monsters living at the dead of night, having only but each other. Monsters of the night. Vampires. You did this to me.
A bond between a creator and his creation is one so powerful, it's unbreakable; or at least that's what you used to tell me. I wanted so badly to escape from you, but every time I tried it was like an unstoppable force was driving me back. I felt trapped. You knew this. Sometimes you'd have your fun. Locking me outside as the sun came up, knowing I had no where else to run, only the small amount of shade outside our house. I would scream, begging you to let me in, hoping you wouldn't let the sunlight kill me. Only as I was sobbing uncontrollably would you open the door, laughing as I stumbled in, collapsing in a mess on the floor. You did this to me.
Most nights I'd cry: cry for who I had become, cry for my family who were no longer around, and cry for the pain you'd put me through. One day it stopped, and for all the sadness that was building up inside of me, I could produce no more tears. I felt empty. Nothing more than a shell of who I used to be. You took this as a sign of me finally accepting who I was…I knew better than to argue. I learnt to take my sadness out on the innocent, ripping them to shreds as I drain their bodies dry. You were so proud; you have no idea how happy it made me. But I was a monster, I realise that now. You did this to me.
One day I did it though, I managed to escape you. It was difficult. I ran, and I kept running. The whole time it felt like something was trying to pull me back, but I bore through, and soon enough, as if the bond broke, I felt free. Like a whole weight had been lifted off me. I couldn't enjoy the moment for long though, I had to keep running. I had to make sure you couldn't find me again. I roamed around the country for years; I had no idea how to act or what to do. Being locked away with you for almost 50 years had made my brain forget all that was out there away from you. It scared me, I hadn't realised how much the world had changed, the fear nearly drove me to come running back; but I couldn't. Never again. I met someone else soon enough, he was amazing. A business man from Manchester, he looked after me in a way you never did. We were still a crime, much like you and I were, so our relationship had to be kept a secret; making it even more difficult that it already was. Of course I couldn't tell him what I was, and I played pretend. During the day I told him I was at work, when really I was hiding away from the sun. When we would eat together I'd force down the food to make him happy; later on I'd throw it all back up, being dead and anything means that none of my organs work. You did this to me.
Ten years past while we were together, he soon turned 31 while I stayed looking at the young age of 21. Even when I was that age I always looked younger, now even more so as I reached my 85 birthday. He began to notice my youth as the hands of time continued to affect him. I didn't know what to do, I knew one day he was going to die, there was only one option to stop it, but I wouldn't put him through it; not like you did to me. I told him, I couldn't keep it inside anymore, we'd been together so long, and he'd made me so happy; he deserved to know. Even when I told him the horrible acts I'd committed on innocent people, he didn't love me any less. But I was selfish, and I see this now. I couldn't go on seeing him age so fast right in front of me while I stood watching, feeling completely helpless. So we moved. I gave him a chance to have a new life, without me. You taught me how to change a human's memory once, and I did that to him. It was like I was never apart of his life. The sadness I felt was unbearable, but I couldn't shed a tear, no; I lost them all years ago. You did this to me.
I didn't dare make anymore connections with people after that, I couldn't deal with the heart ache again. Instead I joined a mafia gang, letting once again my sadness be let out through murder. But I soon grew tired of that, and what I didn't realise at the time is that you managed to track me down through this. I made the mistake of killing my victims like I once had while with you. I felt your presence as soon as you stepped foot in that town, but it was weak as we'd been apart for so long, but I felt it none the less. So I ran, once again I ran, this time making sure not to stay in one place too long; I couldn't risk you finding me again. I just kept on running. You did this to me.
Science began to grow, and soon I discovered that we vampires had evolved to have a hormone called Oxytocin injected into our victims through our fangs. The hormone gives them pleasure, as in the natural human body, it's released during sex. This is how I realise that I didn't have to kill and hurt innocent people to gain blood; I could just give them an enticing time, a win-win situation. You could say I fell, I sank so low. To gain blood, to keep myself under control and not hurt others, it's just what I had to do…sell myself, as some would chose to put it. Prostitution, the world's oldest profession. But whatever kept me alive was good enough for me. You did this to me.
Things became increasingly difficult as time continued to move around me, it was harder to hide. I'm a vampire, I can't age, and the outside world knows nothing of our kind. So I contacted older vampires, seeking advice, anything so I didn't feel the need to run back to you for help. The elders helped me; they gave me ways to stay out of trouble and to stop suspicious eyes. I lived and survive for the next near a hundred years, hating myself so much more as every year past. My family long since dead, my love also. You did this to me.
I'm alone now, my life revolving around getting blood from my customers and making sure you don't catch up with me. I could so easily kill myself, what's a life worth living when you're alone. But I can't…and I don't want to. I want to be there at the end of it all…I want to watch as the world burns. The world that has kept me in the darkness, kept me in fear; if only they knew, as they continue to live only to die, without purpose, without making a single foot print in the sand. I carry on, even when they don't; I carry on seeing the mistakes of man kind. I've spent over two hundred years on this rock, and there has been no sign of a purpose. I want them to realise, no matter what they do, there's no point to it.
This knowledge haunts me, as I walk alone in the shadows now, waiting solely for everything to end. You did this to me, and I hope you feel proud of yourself.
I'm trying to ease myself back into writing, and what better way than a short story about a depression vampire. Of course the whole story is stored away in my head, I just thought I write out a quick summary.
I know there are a few bits of it that could be improved, but after not writing for a while I'm quite proud of the outcome ^-^
© 2012 - 2024 WayandIero
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